Writing not to be known
As I was walking down the street towards the office, I was thinking about journaling and about this conflict between writing in a journal on a computer and writing in a journal on paper. Specifically, I was thinking about how AI can (and does) have access to one, but not the other, at least not in the same way. Part of wanting to write certain things in one or the other is about being known (by AI) or not being known. When I write in a journal on a computer, as I am doing at the moment, I am writing for myself, but also have this feeling that someone or something is or will be reading it and that gives me pause. It introduces some level of self-censorship and performative writing and I hate it. Once upon a time, I wrote online to be known. It was a signal to other nerds and outsiders that I was one of them. Now I just want to hide because I don’t want someone or something to be able to manipulate or take advantage of me. I don’t like that feeling.